Sitting on the cozy corner of my sofa, I switch on MS Teams and watch as more and more people flood in for our usual 7:30AM lecture. The atmosphere is a bit unenthusiastic, to say the least. Our teacher calls on for a show of hands, just to know who is awake and actually listening to what she has to say. I tither towards the symbol and do my part, but deep down I know it I’d much rather be huddled up in bed, drifting off in a dreamland far away.
A text pops up on my screen- “Have you decided on what your project is going to be? , I squint to get a better look, surprised that people have begun prepping so early for their projects. The truth is, I haven’t decided. I haven’t even thought about it since the professor bought it up in the lecture. “No, not really.”- easy reply. I wipe off the remnants of last night’s snacks, rub my eyes to freshen up, letting the thoughts of the Bridgerton binge wash over me before I unmute my mic and respond to the professor’s question (which she did repeat around five times). I can’t bear awkward silences, so I decided to do my bit as a student, the bare minimum, to make sure I’m not the ghostly attendance hog who just logs in and calls it a day.
The PDF we need to prep for is 40 pages long, a drabble on the current media landscape and the future of journalism. On a normal day, I would’ve loved to argue for hours upon hours about the difficult future our nation faces and why we must hold our journalists accountable for their words; but the world we live in isn’t normal, nor has it been close to normal in the past 12 months. When lectures first shifted online, I was ecstatic. ‘Easy learning, is it not?’- taking notes and actively participating in every discussion. Hell, even logging in and listening to the professor talk was entertaining from the comfort of my cozy nook. It’s not that easy anymore.
The bare minimum requires more than 100%, the push to be the perfect student, the desire to really learn has vanished over the past few months. It’s draining and exhausting, I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like for our professors. It’s difficult to watch your family glance at you with disappointment, to them it is the easiest way out of actually studying. Ungrateful of the luxuries you have on your lap, easy access to education, and a full subscription to all your favorite OTT platforms? Spoilt brat (in their eyes, at least).
Texting on my committee group; the roles feel reversed. ‘I wonder how our professors don’t hate our guts.’, swiping right to see which members bothered reading my stern message on the lack of activity from members. The sight is sad, but I can’t blame the poor FY’s completely- they don’t even know what the entrance to our college looks like. The stress of delivering on running a college committee efficiently, as the lecture lulls in the background- it’s easier to think about that new Anime you’ve been wanting to watch.
I huddle a bit deeper in my cozy nook, listening to the professor’s muffled voice over mindless Instagram scrolling, wishing I could be somewhere else entirely. 5 different tabs stay open on my screen, each one holding a desire I cannot fulfill. Furrowing my brows as the clock hits 9:30- it’s time for yet another lecture. I don’t wish to give the bare minimum, I wish to give it my all. I wish to be the student I was once, but for now, I have to settle with the comfort of an ever-raging pandemic, an unstable society, the blur of uncertainty, and a killer backache, for another Netflix binge and late-night Maggi dash. After all, what better way to give in to your deepest desires than to fall into the void, night after night?
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