" We had it worse than you, you’re lucky you have it better”
-almost every parent
We begin our lives by idolizing our parents, sometimes so much that we forget that they make mistakes too. The above sentence just mentions a version of something we have all heard at least once in our lifetime. “You’re just like your father," said my mother to me as a child when I forgot to pick up the wet towel on my bed, and I almost felt nice that I had my father's traits. "You’re just like your father”, said my mother a few years later, and I almost got offended. Children, who grow up thinking that they never want to be like their parents, are just offsprings of parents who grew up thinking the same.
The idea of a family is quite similar to that of a home. While some are lucky to find it within the people they see their entire lives, others start loving the ideal version of them. Families who cherish their generations, unknowingly forgetting to grow with time. Families that represent a river of patterns, end up sharing their flow with future generations.
Out of a blatant refusal to heal and grow up themselves, complex relationships where children have no choice but to grow up too soon are born. Home walls where the noise of distant shouts echo louder than the cries of a scared child are built. Parents who project their love in ways so tough that a once innocent kid turns as tough as a rock raise adults who have lost their inner child. They love their children from afar as those very children grow up to become adults who can accept love only if it's from a distance.
"Don't stay out past 9, you're a girl", "Don't wear those clothes in front of men, you're a woman," are the words repeated by a father to his daughter every time she steps out of the house. The walls of his house smirk knowingly, as they reminisce of the time when his father said the same words to his sisters. The unknowing legacy of painful words is passed down from one parent of a family to another, building walls much greater than that of a house.
Adults who grew up with narcissistic parents still struggle to be assertive, and the ones who were loved through harsh words and controlled decisions still get lost in the crowd trying to find a voice. Those who tried hard to get away from toxic generational cycles, inevitably fall back into it.
The idea of expressing affection differed in every household. While some showed it by bringing cut-up fruits when you studied for exams, some by bringing small gifts every time you achieved something. Irrespective of how love was shown, the pressure of earning love has always loomed in the background of every family. This is why it is important for individuals who grew up in tainted households to bring a change, to be what their parents couldn't.
It’s not easy to change the past patterns of your loved ones, and that realization comes with time. What matters is that you bring a change into the path that is laid out for the ones after you. Breaking generational cycles with you is what is important in the end. So that one day, you project love through comforting hugs, peel oranges for that little kid that was once lost within you. So that one day, you protect your loved ones, but let them explore the world through their eyes and experiences.
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